4th month

it's the 4th month alr...
didn't think we'd make it so far...
4... we exceeded the bets we made... it's not 1, not 2... but amazing 4!
and we marked this small milestone with the yummy brownie coated with vanilla ice-cream...
i dunno if there's such a thing as telepathy.. but since last month, i've been thinking of marking each month this day by eating ice-cream together... but i dare not voice out this suggestion as i know... u don't like dairy products, much less ice-cream...
but here we are tonight... u brought ice-cream.... =)

i'm so glad we decided to start over after that awful fight..
for once i truly believe i did something right...
i did right for giving this relationship another shot...
'coz the returns are much greater now that we're doing it over again...

of the 4mths... i really didn't do much for u, as compared to the whole world u tried to give me..
so for the last month, i tried to make it up to u..
i tried to be a better girlfriend... even though i know i suck at it..
but hey, at least i'm making tiny improvements!

what u said was right..
i wasn't appreciative enough of all that u do for me... of anything anyone do for me, as a matter of fact...
yes.. i guess i always take people for granted...
thank you for making me realise that somethings are not gonna always stay be me if i treat it like crap..

ever since that day... i tried to re-evaluate things..
i finally see the unappreciative side of me.. the materialistic side of me..
honestly, i feel bad...
but it's useless to dwell in a problem where the more practical thing to do is to solve it right?
and i am solving it...
i start to open my eyes and see all that u do for me, not what u didn't do for me..
i start to appreciate the time u fork out to spend with me, not the times u weren't by my side..
i start to see how good ur to me, not how good other ppl's bf are to their gf...
i start to take in the little gestures of affection, not blaming it for lack of grandeur...
i start to discard the differences between us, not letting myself forget the appeal u held for me..
i start to clutch the happiness so close to me all this time, which i refused to see.

u know, i once saw a movie about love between a cowboy and a widow..
it's a story about a different kind of love...
in it, a wise old woman said:
"Dear girl, not all love comes in fireworks and sparks. Some just come onto you softly, without you knowing it.."
i guess my 20 years of fantasising of a loud banging asphyially romantic love has somewhat distorted the reality of the very real world...
not to say u aren't romantic, sweetheart, for u are.. in your own ways..
i just never realise how good this alternative kinda love could be...
the kinda love i'm receiving from you right now..
yes... the kind that creeps onto me slowly...but surely...

thank you for making me grow outta my girlish fantasies, by giving something else even better..
thank you for loving me so.